Dear Birthday Gods,
I’m writing to inform you that I would like to stop my birthday clock. When you turned me thirty I thought it was cute and even had a party. But now you turned me thirty four and I think we need to have a serious conversation about the future of our relationship. I think it’s wonderful that you come and visit once a year, that’s more than I get home to see my family. I love how attentive you are in letting everyone who loves me know about the special date through social media like Facebook. The only problem with that is now they all know that you are here and changing stuff up on me. It’s a little embarrassing.
The only way you can make it better is by buying me “Insanity” so I can get a six pack, like I have always wanted. I beg of you birthday Gods if you insist on arriving at the same time every year bring me something awesome like less wrinkles and new skin. I’m glad we had this talk and I hope you can understand where I am coming from. Just so we are clear, here is the list of things you should bring next year:
A wind it back 10 years machine for your body but still get to keep your present day life.
A new set of calf muscles ones that keep me from looking like a heavy weight champion.
Better mountain biking endurance…I would like to climb up mountains on my bike while talking and get there first.
Also, I would like a side stomach where all the sweets I eat can filter and if it’s possible, use the contents of that extra stomach as some sort of renewable resource. (Just thinking outside the box)
Lastly, I would like to drink coffee all day without the side effect of over stimulation and resulting irritation. (NOT DECAF)
Last Lastly, I would like to travel forever and have an endless supply of money.